Conversations That Build Bridges: Equipping Church Leaders for Election Season
Pastors and lay leaders who guide churches during an election year are wise to carefully consider whether they will ignore it completely, help church members consider how to participate in discussions related to politics, or if they will address specific issues related to the election in group settings or sermons. In coming posts, I will offer ideas and options related to how this work can be done. The best starting point is to recognize that in the divided conversational space of the United States, we need to lead ourselves before we can lead others. I suggest that leaders start by finding resources that will increase their capacity in conversations where people disagree. We must find new ways to improve our listening and communication skills. My goal is to live into Jesus’ commandment to love my neighbor as myself (Matthew 22:36-40). In the past year, I have found three resources particularly useful in my growth in these areas.
Bestselling Author David Brooks understands that especially when staring across a gulf of disagreement, it is essential to see others deeply and allow ourselves to be deeply seen. The more we share our stories, listen intently and ask questions that help us to understand those we are talking to, the more likely we are to feel in community with people, even in disagreement, rather than to experience division. Brooks is a self-described introvert, someone who has had to force himself to engage others. Doing so, he has noticed how few people really seem to want to know the people around them. Brooks observes the common obstacles that keep us from understanding others. He offers a set of practical skills that will enable you to listen with greater focus, ask questions that honor a desire to better understand others, and observe ways to go deeper in relationships than you may have thought possible. Brooks calls us to be Illuminators of other people rather than Diminishers. Jesus observed something similar when he told us to be a city on a hill or a light on a stand, illuminating those around us. This framework has served as a healthy reminder to me in the months since I first read this book. It helps me reset my spirit when I am tempted to stop listening to another person whose views I find difficult. After going through this book on my own, I read it again and discussed it in a weekly group some friends put together. In that group there were a variety of perspectives. All of us found it helpful.
Amanda Ripley, High Conflict: Why We Get Trapped and How We Get Out
Amanda Ripley understands that high conflict changes the way people think and act. When you find yourself thinking that “those people” are ridiculous in the views they offer and the opinions they hold, it is time to read this book. Ripley makes the distinction between “high conflict” and healthy conflict. High conflict is a feud where people end up injured and wounded. Such conflict is heightened by brains that are driven by instincts to fight, flee or freeze. Healthy conflict is how we see the insights of others and solve problems. The book contains helpful examples of people who dealt with high conflict and found ways to overcome its negative results. Ripley examines the outside influences that drive high conflict in our society and the fallacies of logic that keep us in high conflict with others. She offers tactics to move from destructive to useful conflict. The strategies and insights she provides will help you take a second look at what is really going on when you experience this type of conflict and give you the ability to take steps to draw closer to others when it is tempting to run away.
Tim Shriver, The Dignity Index
The Dignity Index is designed to “prevent violence, ease divisions, and solve problems.” Created by Tim Shriver, this index is a numerical scale from 1 (violent words lead to violent actions) to 8 (I can see myself in every human being, I refuse to hate anyone, and I offer dignity to everyone.) This scale enables me to monitor my internal and external dialogue and ask myself where I am on the scale. I find that the closer to 8 I am, the more like Jesus I become. It is fine to disagree with others on important issues and to hold a principled view on a given matter. What I am trying to avoid is a raging contempt that puts me at war with others. This index has given me a way to judge if I am the person I would like to be and avoid digressions of thought and speech that diminish other people and myself. Look at the website. It includes video resources, an academic paper, and testimonies of what using the index has done for individuals and groups.
Before you figure out what your church should do, find resources that will enhance your self-leadership related to conversation in a more divided time. We can only lead others to experience peace when we experience it ourselves. Investing time in yourself will enable you to become a great resource to the church or organization you lead.